I guess it's about time I said something on here maybe... This morning went to work for a couple hours, came home, and Dave's car was still here (when he should have been in school). I immediately assumed he had had a heart attack or aneurysm or something. I started wondering, what will I do, where will I live, I will have no health insurance... not to mention I'd sorta miss the guy! Turns out his morning class was canceled. Why doesn't he tell me these things? Okay, so he did tell me ages ago, but hadn't mentioned it recently, and set his alarm as though he was going to get up. tricky. Then fell fast asleep after I left the house. the end of my story.
Time seems to be flying by instead of dragging these days. The weekend after this coming one, I'm flying to International falls to go to my niece Alicia's wedding. I'm so excited to be able to go and to see my family - haven't seen them since last Christmas, except my brother Mike who came through in January. I'm flying Friday and coming back here on Tuesday. We'll also see if Dave and I can survive without each other for a few days. I suspect we'll be okay, but you never know. I also have that whole week before (American) thanksgiving off work which I'm SO excited about. So I'll come home and then in a few weeks it'll be time to pack up and take our big Christmas trip! wow! Not sure when we'll get everything done that needs doing. I have a list, if that counts for anything.
I forgot to put this is my last post. Here's a funny story (well, at the time, to me, anyway) from our last trip to the doctor. This was the time we were going to hear the heartbeat so Dave came along. We were running sort of behind so he went to park while I went to check in. This was the first day of the clinic started a new computer system so everything was very backed up. The waiting room was PACKED full of females. So I checked in, sat down, and in a little bit, Dave came in, found me and announced (in a room FULL of women), "I had to fart..." and then he just stopped talking. I stared at him wondering why in God's green earth he felt the need to share this information, esp. given the present company. I was slightly mortified. Then he started talking again. Attempt # 2: "I had to park far away." Ahhhh, it all makes sense now. So then I sat there laughing till I probably was crying, I don't remember. I just know I laughed a lot. You probably had to be there - this serious expression on his face... (or maybe I'm just really immature) anyhoo... if anyone else heard (and I suspect they did) they were nice enough to ignore it.
Little kumquat is now a lemon, which makes me think it's a girl. How many boy lemons do you know? Lemons are definitely girly. ha. Actually, for awhile now I've just felt like this is a boy and couldn't imagine anything else. Then the last couple days a girl has seemed more possible in my mind. Who knows. We are pretty sure we want to wait and be surprised but I have moments of wavering. I don't know if I can stand not knowing. Plus, I think it would just be nice to know so you can think of him/her AS him/her. If it comes out being the opposite of what you were expecting, seems like it could take awhile to get used to. But at the same time, I hate to spoil the surprise of the big day. Feel free to send me your advice or opinions. = ) I think if we can hold out for this one, if there's a next one, we'd probably find out. In health news, my cough is a lot better, allowing me to sleep at night which is a huge blessing. I'm still throwing up a lot, which um, is not a huge blessing. Each time I wonder if it's the last. One of these days...
For some deeper thoughts maybe... I've had several totally unrelated posts rattling around in my head for awhile now. Here's one of them. I'm sure this all seems more profound in my mind than in actually is and you all probably figured this out ages ago. I was reading a blog of a family who's 11 month old baby girl died of cancer. Seems pretty unreal - they have all these pictures of a perfectly healthy looking, chunky little girl and then find out at 10 months she has cancer. unreal. You have to wonder how you could go on after something like that or how you could even want to. Having a family, having close friends, getting married, having kids - it's all such a huge risk in a way. The more people you choose to let in your heart, so to speak, the greater the risk. I mean, we really have no guarantees of anything - our next breath or the next breath of those we love. Having kids hits me in a new way. Suddenly you love this tiny person more than anything, and they are so dependent on you and so helpless. Reading about this family who lost their little girl, it just made me shudder, like wow, is it even worth it? Why put yourself through that?? And then I started thinking, well, what are the alternatives? I could lock myself in a basement and shut myself off from the world, never getting close to anyone because of the risk involved. I could choose to have a family and love them to pieces, but spend my days worrying sick about them, obsessing over every little thing, and wondering when God will choose to take them from me. Or, I could somehow choose to embrace all of life, the joys, the sorrows, and the risks. It's easy to say oh, you shouldn't worry all the time. But it's another thing to really have peace and the reassurance that I don't have to worry. I can relax and be calm, not because everything always turns out exactly like I want it to, but because Someone else really is in charge. (the words sound cliche, but do I really live like I believe it?) Knowing that even if I were to face tragedy in my own family, that there would be grace for that in the moment. On Sunday I was able to talk with an older wiser lady who has 6 children (including a set of triplets), but who also went through one still birth and two miscarriages. She was a breath of fresh air to talk to - so encouraging. She told me for the most part, she really didn't have that intense worry that a lot of parents talk about when their babies are very small - "what if they stop breathing, etc." She said, no, that's not my problem or responsibility, that's GOD'S! He's the one who keeps them breathing, not me. I long for the freedom to live way! She also talked about the ways God carried her through her own grief and tragedies. It was all really encouraging. Anyway, I feel like I can't really get out in black and white what I'm feeling and thinking in my brain. This is my attempt for now. I know that for me, God wants having this child to be about learning to trust him more and more in ways that I haven't yet been able to. Sorry, that got a little long.
I'll save my other deep thoughts for a later time. = P Hope you're all having a grand week.
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10 comments:
I'm going to chuckle all afternoon at Dave's doctor story. Hilarious! I wish I lived closer to you guys so I could laugh even more often with you! I can just imagine his horror when he realized his slip.
I've wondered often too about the worth of risk-taking. My small group is doing a study called "At the end of the game, it all goes back in the box." Kinda morbid, yeah, if you just think of it in terms of a coffin, but really, Bethany, eternity is what it's all about!! I'm trying hard to get that through my noggin that while life can be really, really stinky and painful down here, you know what - it's really quite short so live it fully and eternity is a-coming, praise Jesus! Easier said than done, naturally.
thanks for the post!! so hilarious that Dave announced his "fart"! haha.
your deep thoughts are profound. it's something we all need to learn more and more!! i remember it hitting me once that having kids "wreaks you" forever. you can never get away from loving them, caring about them, being concerned about them, hurting with and for them, etc., etc,. sigh. we need God's grace!
I'm proud of you Rachel. You have had things hard in life before and you know that you could cope with it. I know you can also. With Dave?? not sure how you cope!!!! Just kidding! Love ya, Dad
To give my two cents on the know now/find out later, I've always liked the idea of finding out as soon as you can. Like you said, that way you can start to think of him/her. You can also start buying non-gender neutral items if you know. As far as the surprise, well, it's always going to be a surprise, it's just a matter of when you find out :-)
Kari
ok, it's early in the morning and i had to read the fart story 2 times before it made sense, but when it made sense - it's really hilarious. :D thanks for sharing.
i just started listening to an audio book by john piper and he made a comment that really struck home with me: NOTHING thwarts God's purposes. that was very comforting to me as a mom, wife, friend, etc. HE is in control, not me...even though i often forget that!!
hey, you haven't posted any pictures lately!! :)
We did not know what we were having with Isaiah (other than a baby of course) and it was a lot of fun to be surprised. We knew with Nate and liked that too. They THINK this is a girl, but aren't 100% sure -now that's hard. :)
I have often thought about the risk of love. The more I invest in my marriage the larger the risk grows, but the better my marriage gets. Children will ruin you. :) I don't know how people survive without a relationship with God and the promise of Heaven.
My opinion on the finding out thing is not from firsthand experience, but I've always thought it would be fun to be surprised with the first one and then find out the others.
I laughed out loud on your Dave story. Maybe I'm just immature too, but I don't think you had to be there... just have a good imagination. :)
I liked your deep thoughts, too. I tried to think of something intelligent to say back, but can only say that it got me thinking.
Hope you can stop puking soon.
The first half of your post I laughed so hard that the page blurred, then the last half filled my eyes with tears of another kind. Thanks for sharing!
P.S. We knew out ahead what one grandchild was going to be (Dakota) and I was surprised how excited I got about that! Melva
Yes, more than one of your friends must be immature, I don't know why but I pictured Dave halfway across the room when he made his little blunder and I was shocked and stunned into silence, and then I laughed and laughed. So funny.
We didn't know with Collin but I wasn't surprised at all when he was a boy. I just had a feeling the whole last month or more. We did find out with Andrea, didn't with Graham, did with Evan and didn't with Olivia. I think it was more fun to be totally surprised in the birthing room. And trust me, it didn't take long to fall in utter love with any of them!
I often think of God's promise that his GRACE alone is enough for every situation I will go through. Esp. because he does not keep us from all pain and tragedy. Death and disease befall us, but we I trust him to carry me through in the palm of his hand no matter what. And to do what's best for me and for his glory in the long run. Don't worry, be happy in his sovereignty!
I really like these thoughts on risks and love and stuff. I have often thought the same things, but I like how you express them. I miss you!!!
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